Same question - how's it hit you? What's unclear? Add a comment below or email me about any part that's unclear. Thanks for your help (especially Zoe and Zack)!
The "your" in the bottom banner should be "you're."
Other than that, just some style suggestions. I think that the word whom and semicolons feel too formal. For the whom used in the Contribute section I might use "which candidate." The semicolons could be replaced with en-dashes. Not necessarily something you should change, but you could try it out and see how you think it looks.
Love the icons and the feel of the page. Good work.
The 'theirs' can sometimes be an issue with traditional grammarians...some sticklers say that 'their' can only be used to refer to plural possession.
Examples of this--
Find a candidate: There are candidates out there who can make our country better. Search below to find their page and learn more about where they stand on important issues. (Easiest fix- change page to PAGES to refer to multiple candidates, therefore making their/they use acceptable)
Contribute: Once you've decided whom you like, make a donation to their campaign. (Easiest fix- change their to THE or campaign to CAMPAIGNS to assert parallelism to singularity/plurality)
Also, I disagree with the 'whom' and semicolon complaints-- I don't think it's too formal, and people who use dashes too often-----largely don't understand how to write. Otherwise, nice work, these mock-ups look excellent.
The "your" in the bottom banner should be "you're."
ReplyDeleteOther than that, just some style suggestions. I think that the word whom and semicolons feel too formal. For the whom used in the Contribute section I might use "which candidate." The semicolons could be replaced with en-dashes. Not necessarily something you should change, but you could try it out and see how you think it looks.
Love the icons and the feel of the page. Good work.
Thanks for your thoughts, we'll get the you're changed asap.
ReplyDeleteThe 'theirs' can sometimes be an issue with traditional grammarians...some sticklers say that 'their' can only be used to refer to plural possession.
ReplyDeleteExamples of this--
Find a candidate: There are candidates out there who can make our country better. Search below to find their page and learn more about where they stand on important issues.
(Easiest fix- change page to PAGES to refer to multiple candidates, therefore making their/they use acceptable)
Contribute: Once you've decided whom you like, make a donation to their campaign. (Easiest fix- change their to THE or campaign to CAMPAIGNS to assert parallelism to singularity/plurality)
Also, I disagree with the 'whom' and semicolon complaints-- I don't think it's too formal, and people who use dashes too often-----largely don't understand how to write. Otherwise, nice work, these mock-ups look excellent.
Anna,
ReplyDeleteReally good point - I'm pretty weak on technical English, appreciate you taking the time to look everything over. Plenty more to come.
-Hudson